ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
