this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Your penis caused this!
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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