I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
