When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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