Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
