had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Edward fifth and chaser hands
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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