You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
