I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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