I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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