I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
