barbara walters just said penis...
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
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