Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
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