3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
one might say we're banned from that church
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
