I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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