In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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