I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
