Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
