My room smells like vodka and shame
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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