I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
you would pick up someone in the library
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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