I heard we made out
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
