I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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