and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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