I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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