no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
