when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
