dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize