I wish life had little blips of pornography
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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