Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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