I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
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