my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
