I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
