I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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