it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
