why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
