Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
