i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
