Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
3pm strippers are depressing
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
