This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
