Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize