I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
