just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
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