Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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