Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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