Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize