that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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