trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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