Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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