she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
