i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
