She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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