His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
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