Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
