I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
