Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
