so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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