I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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