I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
