somebody snuck up and got me drunk
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
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