Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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