you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
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