im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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