Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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