one might say we're banned from that church
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
