I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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