well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
