I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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