babies were throwing up all over the place
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
