How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
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