Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
