we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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