Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
