Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize