Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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