My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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