If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
