Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize