you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
