omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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