know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize