It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
