Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize