I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize
