Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
