I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
