She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Randomize
