RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
