i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
