I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
