I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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