I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
