why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
She told me I should be a condom model.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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