apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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