Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize