My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
