I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
