Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I cut my penus on the lid.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
