Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
