I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
