She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize