I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
