I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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