thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
