I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
