The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
