i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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