she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
