Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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