Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
