But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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