How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
