So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
