I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize