forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
