Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
why do cheetos always look like penises
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
