I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize