i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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